FastLizard4's IRC Quote Collection!

FastLizard4's list of all time favorite IRC quotes for infinite loldongs!

Is this interface too complicated for you? Try switching to the simple interface instead!

Please be aware that some (but not all) of the quotes here are NSFW. You may wish to exercise caution when viewing them if you are in the vicinity of bosses, coworkers, children, secret agents, or parents, or if you are yourself a minor. In addition, quotes that aren't outright NSFW often otherwise contain crude/mature humor, offensive jokes, bad language, high-level mathematics, science jokes, Wikipedia jokes, computer programmer jokes, bad puns, politically incorrect material, and/or injokes. You have been warned.


Here you shall find the collected works of m:BASH and some other quotes from elsewhere that I have found particularly funny.

Use the quote selection box in the sidebar (or at the bottom of the page) to select the quote you want!

Searching Quotes

You can now search (yes, by text) through the quotes database to locate quotes! Useful if you were looking for a certain quote, but only remember a word or two in it. Just see the "search" section in the sidebar to the left or at the bottom of the page (generally, it's in the sidebar). Note that there are two buttons, Search and Regex Search. Use the Search button if you just want to perform a standard fulltext search on the term you entered. However, if you are familiar with Perl-Compatible Regular Expressions (AKA PCREs or pregs), you can instead enter a regex and use the Regex Search button. Remember to include the delimiters if you're using a regex!

NOTE: If you wish to search for >, <, or & in either a regex search or a normal search, you must use &gt;, &lt;, or &amp;, respectively.

Quote Comments

About Comments: Comments (not actually part of the quote) are wrapped in @$ and $@ in the raw quotes file, however, these comments are normally hidden (shown as HTML comments when the source code is viewed) when the quote is parsed by the program and shown to you below. However, you can "show" the comments, causing them to appear inline with the quote as green italicized text. To show/hide the comments, see the controls in the sidebar. Everything wrapped in #$ and $# in the quotes file are always shown as HTML comments. The cookie that contains the setting will expire at the end of the session (when you close your browser). By default, the comments are hidden.


Warning: Some of these quotes contain language unsuitable for children, BASH commands unsuitable for Windows users, and humor unsuitable for non-Wikipedians or those with an expired copy of sense of humor (which can be updated by running sudo apt-get upgrade or by running sudo /usr/bin/humor --get-updates in your brain's shell).


This program's code adapted from the Wikipedia PHP Quote Tool [no longer online :(] devloped by Michael Billington.

Report Bugs, Request Features

Found a bug? Want a new feature added? File a bug with LizardBugs! Remember to select product LizardQuotes when reporting bugs. Note that login or registration is required to report bugs on LizardBugs.
Note that this is NOT for requesting new quotes be added to the database.