The Raven

From LizardWiki, FastLizard4's wiki and website
Jump to: navigation, search

This page is part of my endeavor to "update" Edgar Allan Poe's poem "The Raven". This page is currently a work in progress, so it will be changing, and some of it may be unchanged. See here for what inspired this.

If you would like to help out:

  • If you have a user account here, go ahead and get started!
  • If you don't have a user account, request an account, indicating you'd like to help out the "The Raven" project in the bio section.


Once upon a midnight dreary, while I porn surfed, weak and weary,
Over many a strange and spurious site of "hot xxx galore",
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a beeping,
As of a message beeping, beeping at my computer's monitour.
"'Tis some popup," I muttered, "tapping at my monitor [1]
            Only this, and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow
From the Internet's surcease of sorrow — sorrow for the lost Lenore —
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore —
Nameless here for evermore [2]

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each browser window [3]
Thrilled me — filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,
"'Tis some popup entreating entrance at my monitor —
Some errant popup entreating entrance at my monitor; —
            This it is, and nothing more." [4]

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Sir," typed I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came beeping,
And so faintly you came beeping, beeping at my monitor,
That I scarce was sure I heard you"— here I turned on the monitor; [5]
            Blankness there, and nothing more. [6]

Deep into that blankness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!" —
            Merely this, and nothing more. [7]

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a beeping somewhat louder than before.
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my Windows [8] kernel:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore —
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; —
            'Tis Windows and nothing more."

Open here I flung the mouse, when, with many a beep and bloop,
In there stepped a stately server warning of the saintly days of yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door —
Perched upon a bust of Pallas on the desktop of my monitor [9]
            Perched on my desktop, and nothing more.

Then this ebony warning beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.
"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven,
Ghastly grim and ancient server warning wandering from the Nightly shore —
Tell me what thy operator's name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
            Quoth the Server, "404."

Note: Not worked on beyond this point, yet.
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning— little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blest with seeing bird above his chamber door —
Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
            With such name as "Nevermore."

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered— not a feather then he fluttered —
Till I scarcely more than muttered, "other friends have flown before —
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before."
            Then the bird said, "Nevermore."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —
Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore
            Of 'Never — nevermore'."

But the Raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door;
Then upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore —
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous bird of yore
            Meant in croaking "Nevermore."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight gloating o'er,
            She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor.
"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee — by these angels he hath sent thee
Respite — respite and nepenthe, from thy memories of Lenore
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"
            Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! —
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted —
On this home by horror haunted— tell me truly, I implore —
Is there — is there balm in Gilead? — tell me — tell me, I implore!"
            Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil — prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us — by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."
            Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked, upstarting —
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!— quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
            Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
            Shall be lifted — nevermore!


  1. Well, I couldn't think of anything appropriate that rhymed with "galore," so I chose monitor, since it can be pronounced like "galore," or like how Spock pronounces "sensor."
  2. This part still makes sense, as he might have just broken up with his girlfriend, or something.
  3. It seems that this line doesn't rhyme with any others
  4. Why is he so uneasy about the popup? Well, maybe he has adware on his computer....
  5. Well, if he went to sleep, his computer's monitor probably shut itself off. Hence, he would have to turn it back on.
  6. Since a powered-on monitor wouldn't be "dark"
  7. Maybe he though his girlfriend was trying to reconnect with him and popped up a popup doing so. Facebook, perhaps?
  8. The operating system
  9. Pallas is his desktop background